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Monday, February 4, 2008

Get POOR Fast

How NOT to Monetize Your Cat: a Case Study.

Down the street lives Purrty Petey. He has a human named Anton he keeps with him, who's jumps from job to job, scheme to scheme.

The human tries to make money every which way. Rather than get DVDs from the library, he buys them, burns them for his collection, and then resells them used on eBay. Rather than invest in bonds or an index fund, he speculates on collectibles and eBay. (Mouldering Beanie Babies infest his rented storage unit.)

Worst of all, rather than invest in learning new skills for higher pay, he spends tons of time and money on Get Rich Quick schemes. You know them-- promising huge returns on real estate, Forex trading, options, or some "foolproof" product, they have infomercials and hotel conferences. Anton's been to a dozen of these things. He goes for the $1995! $995! $500! "free" seminar, but then they upsell books, CDs, home training courses and networking.

Dozens of these courses litter his apartment. Purry Petey uses them for litter. He has to. Anton's too busy chasing some other fake dream.

Worst of all, Purry Petey tries to tell him. He tears up the couch, he pukes in the undies drawer. (Once he was asleep in it, and Anton closed it on him. For a week after, he was a guilty "commando.") Anton won't sit down with himself long enough to see how he's wasting his time-- his life-- on some other empty promise. He could be monetizing his cat, building side streams of income, taking small steps to financial & feline freedom, but he doesn't read this blog.

Alas!