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Monday, March 10, 2008

Scam Me, Baby!

5 inches in North Mississippi? Are you serious?

Late winter snows = huddled inside with the Internet.

And all Internet searches end up with someone trying to sell you something. My favorite: direct-response scam sites!

I won't name names (libel & all). But you know them. They look like:
BEGIN SCAM:

Are you tired of your cat always seeming like a
LOSER?
Do other cats make fun, spit hairballs, and hiss at your cat?
Does your cat make less than $20,000 a year?

STOP LIVING IN THE GUTTER

CLIMB UP THE TREE AND SMELL THE CAT-NIP


With my PATENTED system, you too can discover what tens of thousands of cats all over the country have discovered-- that

YOUR CAT CAN MAKE SOME SERIOUS BANK

YOUR CAT CAN GET THE OLD SELF-ESTEEM OUT OF THE LITTERBOX

YOUR CAT CAN LIVE THE DREAM YOU'VE HAD OF
BEING YOUR OWN BOSS
SHOWING YOUR EXES THEY MISSED OUT
SIPPING SWEET MILK BY THE SEA-SHORE


BUT DON'T take MY word for it. Ask our SATISFIED customers:



(all testimonials real and unsolicited; any resemblance
between testimonializers purely coincidental)


Act now! Limited time offer! If you buy now, you'll receive:
  • Our THREE COMPACT DISK audiobook describing our PATENTED system
  • FREE 24 hour phone support with our TRAINED professionals
  • an extra CD with example forms & paperwork for your OWN business
  • express-mailed tickets for our weekend seminar in scenic LAS VEGAS worth at least $1995.99!!!
AND THAT'S NOT ALL! ACT NOW!
/SCAM

I love the way they all use the same web design. It's like there's a template out there someone's selling... admittedly, at least one of the books I've read recently claims that the direct response format is the most effective for getting people to buy stuff. I have a hard time believing that, but then again, so far my experiments in CATpitalism have yielded me about two dollars online. Maybe direct response has its virtues, icky though it feel...

New business idea? Hmm...